Call me yours

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i mah Ke You, a normal average boy born in malaysia in 1994, nov 16th. currently studying in shanghai. i m a christian, not a borned one, but a new one. i m 176cm and currently studying in shanghai's SSIS (Shanghai Singapore International School). not too fond it :P. i m working hard nowadays to get into St. Paul's in Australia. It was part of my sister's university contact that she could bring me along with her to study in australia. my sis is in New South Wales! hehe i noe pro pro. haha i wish i could hitch my grades up to HER levels.all ace. i am currently living in my mum's fren's house and its BIG. well my mum and my sis is in australia and my dad doesnt come home from work on weekdays. i would go home on the week ends of course. anyways..... i play violin and guitar. but i dunt reli have time for that now. :P because me ar studying hard. but still performed violin for the christmas concert last christmas :D. I was out of practice for about... a year? when suddenly micalla hooked me up on msn to play this. gave it a try, and... voilà! It turn out jussssst fine. haha. speaking of music, wad kinda music do i like? well mostly serenades. i would try out every kind of music and i like all of them. i would listen to classic music when i am doing my work, as in... paper work? school work? and when i pretend i m singer i would usually go... MCR all over the place. and when i am home alone, i would sometimes take it out a bit of it on raps. but my favourite is always serenades. btw my favourite singer is secondhand serenade. his songs sound all the same, but thats what i need. of course, taylor swift makes up a huge part of my music too. i wanna grow up to be... umm sth to do wif math and physics? like... an engineers? just like my dad. I am doing quite well in those subjects now, but... just not good enough. :( my sport? BASKETBALL. i play everything abt it. dribbling shooting and all that its basically half of my life. well i still play umm soccer, badminton, cycling, swimming, skateboarding, skiing, in-line skating, jogging, street basketball, street soccer, bits of golf and table tennis and tennis and horse- riding and yoga, frisbee, a bit of body building. i play a lot more sports, but i dunt have time to name then all. :P i dunt play computer games btw (just a tiny add on) oh yes... i am also very obsessed with art, i do.. sketches mostly, but i also do... water painting, oil painting, bits of wood carving. i would draw sketches of ppl's face in my sketch book, sometimes caricature. oh btw my favourite victim for my caricature is mark. sry for slipping it in mark. hehe. oh... abt my temper. i have a very bad history and outbursts usually paves my road back then. i use to be a bully, not that i am proud of it. BUT i have changed a lot. i do not get anygry nowadays and i havent got angry for abt 2 years :D)
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Design - [Tetsuo]
Picture - Muratsuyur
Friday, February 20, 2009
War in my head ; 4:39 AM

Empty days seems worse experienced than said; one of the reasons I am blogging now. None of you knows wtf i am going through now.
Got up today in my drawer bed. I sat there for 15 minutes think of the pieces of shit I have to fake all up to in this shitty day. Another fucking day to pretend. I am sick of this shit. Got up and showered. Practised smiling in the water. Went down and ate breakfast. Went to school. Forgot my basketball. Hitched a grimace up my face when i entered the school, but it slided off by the time I reached the staircase. Went up to class and started drawing in my sketchbook. People came around taking looks, trying to smile at them, but wasn't very successful. Then people started gathering around us, around Hilary's table, but i feel so alone.
Then we had math class, didn't say much in the class. then we had chinese. It was fucking torture. I felt so dead. I don't want to talk about it. Then we had I.T.. We didn't do much, and I stared into blank space, shredding up a copy of the Shanghai daily.
Lunchtime. Took a small bowl of fries splat with chilli and sat in a corner. Stared into blank space, thinking. Didn't even manage to finish 4 pieces and almost vomited from the shitty food. Dumped it away and walked away. Went to the music room and tried to clear my head with Sung Jun's piano playing. Then walked off to the court from the outside.join a ball game but didn't have ANY spirit to play. Then... nevermind. People were cheering and stuff. The details are too painful to think or talk about. I thought basketball would take things off my mind and i could stop pretending, but no. I still have to be part of the wall, and faking it. Let the others play the fucking protangonist act.
Then we had Geography class. Finished the stupid crossword. Then we had 2 periods of English. Oh my god it kills. It was so damn boring. Hurtful too. I think somebody knows.
Then school ended. Sat there waiting for the fucking car with people annoying me about me being so quiet. What. The. Fuck. They use to say i talk too much. Now they wanna be a big chatter again. Just fuck off. God dammit. But at the same time, it was torture sitting there. mabye its the cold. Mabye its the people. Mabye its some fucking spirit bothering me. Mabye... its something else. I had to fake a leave but they are still there. Then continued sitting there waiting for the compound-bus-which-is-always-late. But I went DH's by other means and my dad fetched me home 1 hour later. I even had to fake with my dad. MY DAD. 

And I don't even have anyone to console me. You guys got your friends, those listeners. Never had one since primary 6, and now i finally do in this year. Guess what? I can't tell him. It might end our friendship or even worse, make us enemies.

I know i am just a fucking gayass emo to you guys now. But really, you guys have to understand. I can't helpt it. You have no idea what I am going through right now. Haha telling me not to be emo, easy for u to say. Fine. Go hate emos. You really think I want to be like this?

I dont want to lose a friend. Or myself. Or you.

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