Call me yours

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i mah Ke You, a normal average boy born in malaysia in 1994, nov 16th. currently studying in shanghai. i m a christian, not a borned one, but a new one. i m 176cm and currently studying in shanghai's SSIS (Shanghai Singapore International School). not too fond it :P. i m working hard nowadays to get into St. Paul's in Australia. It was part of my sister's university contact that she could bring me along with her to study in australia. my sis is in New South Wales! hehe i noe pro pro. haha i wish i could hitch my grades up to HER levels.all ace. i am currently living in my mum's fren's house and its BIG. well my mum and my sis is in australia and my dad doesnt come home from work on weekdays. i would go home on the week ends of course. anyways..... i play violin and guitar. but i dunt reli have time for that now. :P because me ar studying hard. but still performed violin for the christmas concert last christmas :D. I was out of practice for about... a year? when suddenly micalla hooked me up on msn to play this. gave it a try, and... voilà! It turn out jussssst fine. haha. speaking of music, wad kinda music do i like? well mostly serenades. i would try out every kind of music and i like all of them. i would listen to classic music when i am doing my work, as in... paper work? school work? and when i pretend i m singer i would usually go... MCR all over the place. and when i am home alone, i would sometimes take it out a bit of it on raps. but my favourite is always serenades. btw my favourite singer is secondhand serenade. his songs sound all the same, but thats what i need. of course, taylor swift makes up a huge part of my music too. i wanna grow up to be... umm sth to do wif math and physics? like... an engineers? just like my dad. I am doing quite well in those subjects now, but... just not good enough. :( my sport? BASKETBALL. i play everything abt it. dribbling shooting and all that its basically half of my life. well i still play umm soccer, badminton, cycling, swimming, skateboarding, skiing, in-line skating, jogging, street basketball, street soccer, bits of golf and table tennis and tennis and horse- riding and yoga, frisbee, a bit of body building. i play a lot more sports, but i dunt have time to name then all. :P i dunt play computer games btw (just a tiny add on) oh yes... i am also very obsessed with art, i do.. sketches mostly, but i also do... water painting, oil painting, bits of wood carving. i would draw sketches of ppl's face in my sketch book, sometimes caricature. oh btw my favourite victim for my caricature is mark. sry for slipping it in mark. hehe. oh... abt my temper. i have a very bad history and outbursts usually paves my road back then. i use to be a bully, not that i am proud of it. BUT i have changed a lot. i do not get anygry nowadays and i havent got angry for abt 2 years :D)
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Design - [Tetsuo]
Picture - Muratsuyur
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Busy Week ; 6:16 AM

Is it me? Or someone else?

Busy busy busy week. Everything is such a rush! Why is the school holding an aesthetic show right before the exams? Talk about organization. Thinking about things i haven't done... bleghh is flustrating. Rereading my previous post makes me feel even more dumb. Argh, i don't even have a frigging comment box! Haha. I though i did.

Hosting the Aesthetic show open... So annoying. Its not the hosting or dancing for the Aesthetic show that bothers me. Its the singing! We haven't even done the instrumental, AND i have a bad feeling that its gonna be hard. Haven't bother to type out a proper script for the MC-ing either. Haha. Lets go freestyle! Will manage.

Haven't done half my homework either, such a pain. Ha ha. DW DW will manage.

Anyways, I noticed that conflict seem to be everywhere in our school now.
Haha. Blogs are getting very violence and vulgar now. I am not sure why its turning out this way. I mean, is it really worth it? What does it matter who started it? Whoever started this, is up to them, they can do whatever they want to. Whoever is feeling the heat, is it really worth it all to lower yourself to his/her level by retaliating? Answering back would trigger things, bad things, which is never good. Fine, if retortion is done, then leave it be and what for the other to cold off and stop. But continuing it? Trying to hurt each other? What fray is here? Turns out some people are not who they seem like. You what people and your friends to think otherwise? Then, STOP. Don't turn into some mindless bitch/bastard, we have enough of that this world already. Don't add to the garbage. Don't do an R&J.

Haha. Thats enough reflecting now. :P No offense to anybody, just my contemplation. Maybe I am right, maybe not. Takest heed of thou art free will.

Bleghh I need somebody to talk to me about stuff. I don't want to cogitate on issues alone.
Haha. I am so confused. Is it me? I am guessing not. I have a vague idea who it is. I don't want it pass by again. But I have a feeling nothing is going to happen.


This is the end.

Ke You



I want to hold you in my arms  and tell you its ok.


Wednesday, April 15, 2009
I seem to be getting on Everyone's Nerves & Everyone on Mine ; 5:22 AM

I seem to be getting on everyone else's nerves nowadays. Maybe I am 
doing something wrong i don't know. I feel played. Argh.
I seem to be pissing everyone off and I don't really know what to do to 
stop it. Please whoever reads this tell me what i need to change and 
post it in the comments.
I kind of started getting pissed at everyone too. I can't tell people about
my troubles because i am EMO. Nah. Ha ha. Just kidding, I am fine. One
big reason: I HATE to see people wasting their life away and some are
even proud of it. This don't only go for my class, but the whole school.
But mind you, there are still a load of people in my class slacking away.
Slacking away? This don't really mean not studying. I meant working for 
you future. Studies is always the safer alternative, but sports are alright too.
But are people who are just good at NOTHING. I mean, they can work for 
it, but they are laugh their ass off as their lives tick away. When told they
just don't admit to it. They just start getting bad ass all over you and just
have to back off. Not only that, When THEY don't want to study, doesn't
mean the others don't. They just blabble away with each other and laugh
loudly. I guess I am being overreactive at this, but still, I am not in the
wrong am I?
Some people should all be a bit more reflective about their lives and think
about the relationships around them. Don't blindly side with one just 
because everyone else knows you guys are pals or kicking it. Admit to their 
faults too, and talk it out. I am not the perfect person either, so i am 
asking now please tell what i need to change (in the comments). What I 
need to change? Not only physically, but anything that will make me a 
better person. Now that i posted this, i need to start think if i can trust 
that person once they give a suggestion. So all words to waste. Argh.
Also, I think the crushes and so called 'love' going around is just ridiculous.
Infatuation, right, yeah that word. True love comes once in a blue 
moon. If it is, yes no problem you guys can share your lives together 
forever. But they number of relationships forming are just ridiculous. 
People are 'falling', 'crushing', 'loving' and all that crap. I am not
saying that all of it is fake or minor. I mean if it isn't true love, if it is 
just to have a girlfriend/boyfriend for the sake of have a 
girlfriend/boyfriend, THEN LEAVE IT. How old are we? We need to 
concentrate on our work. Haha. Maybe I am just jealous because I never 
had a girlfriend before. Anyways, the message is this: we need to 
concentrate on our school work now. Don't let all this relationship 
crap affect your grades and studies.
People you can do whatever you want/like/wish but this is just a little clip 
off my mind. Heed it as an advice or take it as a piece of shit, whatever. 
Make you own desicions, I am not a perfect person, so it might not even 
be good advice. Think it over for your own good.

I feel like a useless sissy after writing this,
Ke You.


Monday, March 30, 2009
I am Fine ; 5:28 AM

I am fine. I am alright. I am happy. I am ok. Haha. =)
I aint emotional haha.
Today was fine. Hmmm... I can't remember what happened today.
Oh yeh.
We had History for the first lesson. We went down to the computer labs and waited for about 15 minutes. then the relieve dude finally came. did bits of research. then we have assembly. watched a nice play. terence was quite funny. then we had physics. almost fell asleep cause i done the dumb experiment.
then we had lunch. umm. played a bit of bball for abt 5 minutes. umm. haha see. i am fineeeee.
then we had PE. umm quite boring. we didnt do much as usual. then we had chinese. the teacher wasted abt 30 minutes as usual. then we had bio. tried to catch up. haha. a fine day.

i am fine :)


Thursday, March 26, 2009
Same Things. ; 4:09 AM

Argh... Stupid Geography script. So messed up. My head is spinning. My back is killing me. The stupid dude's massage was suppose to make it feel better, but now it's worse and i feel like i got a hole in my back. Sometimes i just wanna roar at the pain and chase it away. It's so frustrating and irritating.
Today was terribly boring. I was just waiting for drama because thats where we all slack and i can see my friends. Watched a short documentary for biology and almost feel asleep when ms rosaline was theorying us.
Chemistry was a draaaaagg. we spent 50 minutes talking about alkaline metals and i was like half asleep in Gi Jun's lap. Half the time he was asking me tips on how to fill in the retreat form. Then were doing about 30 minutes on halogens and then suddenly the fire alarm sounded. Everyone dragged thenselves out and strolled down the corridor. The whole thing took a bite out of our lunchtime. Then i went to had a bite. sat and talk with coronies then entire recess and had physics right after. boring as usual. Professor Llyod announced the test and we set off for drama.
I dunno what i did in i there can't reli remember. But i know i wasted a lot of time. Then school ended and i went for the damn therapy. So damn tired.

Argh... feeling so guilty. I hope i am not messing up your life.


Thursday, March 12, 2009
I need a Best Friend ; 4:06 AM

I never wanted to bother to bother anyone with what i am going through, but everything now seems a mess. I have screwed everything up.  I had a friend i could spill to, but he is gone. And now I have had a closer friend, but everything i done had lost it.
Down around me love rain,
I am in pain.
I can't tell anyone, but i need to. Either ways somebody has to get hurt.Might just be me, or me and everyone else. I dunno wad to do... she cannot know... but she deserves to. should i tell now? or should be drawn into it deeper?
We got along fine, the person i want to be, but now that its this way, we cannot help that feeling burning within us. or maybe its just me... He was a great guy, one of the few communicable. but i cant bring myself to look at him straight in the eyes without revealing a feeling of enmity. he was one of my best friends... i am sry... but i cant help it... i hope we can all survive this mess.

god bless us all,

this is the end.


Friday, February 20, 2009
War in my head ; 4:39 AM

Empty days seems worse experienced than said; one of the reasons I am blogging now. None of you knows wtf i am going through now.
Got up today in my drawer bed. I sat there for 15 minutes think of the pieces of shit I have to fake all up to in this shitty day. Another fucking day to pretend. I am sick of this shit. Got up and showered. Practised smiling in the water. Went down and ate breakfast. Went to school. Forgot my basketball. Hitched a grimace up my face when i entered the school, but it slided off by the time I reached the staircase. Went up to class and started drawing in my sketchbook. People came around taking looks, trying to smile at them, but wasn't very successful. Then people started gathering around us, around Hilary's table, but i feel so alone.
Then we had math class, didn't say much in the class. then we had chinese. It was fucking torture. I felt so dead. I don't want to talk about it. Then we had I.T.. We didn't do much, and I stared into blank space, shredding up a copy of the Shanghai daily.
Lunchtime. Took a small bowl of fries splat with chilli and sat in a corner. Stared into blank space, thinking. Didn't even manage to finish 4 pieces and almost vomited from the shitty food. Dumped it away and walked away. Went to the music room and tried to clear my head with Sung Jun's piano playing. Then walked off to the court from the outside.join a ball game but didn't have ANY spirit to play. Then... nevermind. People were cheering and stuff. The details are too painful to think or talk about. I thought basketball would take things off my mind and i could stop pretending, but no. I still have to be part of the wall, and faking it. Let the others play the fucking protangonist act.
Then we had Geography class. Finished the stupid crossword. Then we had 2 periods of English. Oh my god it kills. It was so damn boring. Hurtful too. I think somebody knows.
Then school ended. Sat there waiting for the fucking car with people annoying me about me being so quiet. What. The. Fuck. They use to say i talk too much. Now they wanna be a big chatter again. Just fuck off. God dammit. But at the same time, it was torture sitting there. mabye its the cold. Mabye its the people. Mabye its some fucking spirit bothering me. Mabye... its something else. I had to fake a leave but they are still there. Then continued sitting there waiting for the compound-bus-which-is-always-late. But I went DH's by other means and my dad fetched me home 1 hour later. I even had to fake with my dad. MY DAD. 

And I don't even have anyone to console me. You guys got your friends, those listeners. Never had one since primary 6, and now i finally do in this year. Guess what? I can't tell him. It might end our friendship or even worse, make us enemies.

I know i am just a fucking gayass emo to you guys now. But really, you guys have to understand. I can't helpt it. You have no idea what I am going through right now. Haha telling me not to be emo, easy for u to say. Fine. Go hate emos. You really think I want to be like this?

I dont want to lose a friend. Or myself. Or you.

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Sunday, February 15, 2009
Sunday ; 1:18 AM

Today felt like the most meaningless day of my life.
i woke up at 9 today. laid in bed; in and out for abt an hour. then went on to shower. ate breakfast and then lunch.
sat infront of the computer doing nth for abt 5 hours. theni suddenly remembered there was a bball match tmr. got a bit nervous, noeing we would lose anyways.
a while later, finally decided i cant do anything at home but think. went out, thinking i might be able to catch a bit of bball training before dinner at 6. stepped out and realized it was raining.
went back inside and sat infront of the comp again. thinking. wif nth to do, started blogging.
wish me luck with the bball match lord.
wish me luck wif everything lord.
with it.

btw my new phone number is 13795471586.

it ends here.

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